**Please don’t read this if you are under 12. I don’t want to be responsible for breaking your family’s Christmas too!**
I feel the need to chronicle the past few weeks and how I did my best to fail at Christmas. Maybe it is a cautionary tale to others, maybe it is so we can look back in future years and laugh about the Christmas Mommy almost had a nervous breakdown. Maybe it is because it is the stuff you see on sit-coms only it really happened to me. So hear it is in chronological order.
The week of Thanksgiving- I was on schedule, I had my list of what needed to be done, I had my list of presents for people. The tree was up, the house was decorated- I was looking good!
First week of December-I was feeling the pressure. My two kids are in that awkward stage of missing teeth and for the past few years Christmas card photos have been a challenge (see last year’s post all about it!). We couldn’t agree as a family what to do. Ugh, now I was behind.
Week 2- Okay, after two weeks of very demanding work meetings, I was officially behind on my lists. Still no Christmas cards.
Week 3-The day that will live in infamy in our house! The kids found the secret stash! For the past 6 years we have been hiding the presents in the same spot, thinking we had a kid proof location. Then my kids “where looking for my son’s homework” in the garage, popped the trunk of the hubs car and found EVERYTHING! Well that changed the game plan. Two days later, I was on Amazon trying to do quick orders for new Santa presents. (Still no Christmas cards!)
Christmas Eve- Well, I finally sent out Christmas cards. In hind sight, I should have sent New Year’s cards because I was running so behind. I was starting to feel good about things again. The house was ready for guests, the kids got their presents from us and were happy. We had a nice evening of church and driving around looking at lights. The kids went to bed and we were ready to put some of the finishing details on Christmas.
This is when the problems started
And then my mixer broke while I was trying to make cupcakes. This resulted in the butter not creaming appropriately and all the butter leaking out the bottom of the papers. Good think my Aunt was bringing more desserts!
AND THEN, we went to wrap the Santa presents. I pulled out the video game my son was getting and realized it was for an XBOX 360… we have a Wii. This was his only gift and I screwed it up. At 10:30 PM the hubs and I were on the computer searching to see if any stores were still open. We contemplated running down to the liquor store and buying him a big bag a candy. Finally we came up with the idea of putting a very similar name on the tag and blaming it on Santa being old, tired, and a bit confused. Phew! It worked. We also told him that Santa has a deal with all the stores and we could exchange the gift. I think that morning we earned our Ph.D in lying to our kids.
Christmas Day- Thinking that the worst was behind us. We were on track for our company to arrive. We felt bad for that poor little boy “Rex” who Santa gave a Wii version of Skylanders. We were good to go.
This is when the hour of mayhem and destruction started. First up-making the house smell like a distillery. I took something out of the refrigerator and it started a chain reaction. Things started falling. The next thing I knew, the pitcher of Manhattans I had made was crashing to the floor. The bottom broke out of the pitcher, glass was everywhere, I was soaked, and my floor was flooded with Manhattans.
Less than a half hour after the Manhattan incident, I did it again. This time I was making punch for the kids. When I opened the bottle of cranberry ginger ale it EXPLODE-EVERYWHERE! Once again, I was soaked. The kitchen was covered in pink liquid. At this point the hubs said the best thing I could do was go change and then sit down and stop touching things.
Thankfully, the was the climax of the destruction. Everything went off without a hitch. The rest of the evening was perfect. It was a very Merry Christmas.
Here is to a wonderful 2014!
PS- If your holiday was a bit on the verge, please feel free to share in the comments. It might make me feel a bit better